In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, we recommend that you introduce a policy to keep all employees well trained through a program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)

You should try and give your employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company. If you feel that your employees do not receive their share of S.H.I.T. on their jobs, we recommend that you advise your employees that they will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list; and your managers who are especially skilled at overseeing this can ensure that those employees get all the S.H.I.T. they can handle.

Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T. can be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who then fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously can be required to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). We would recommend that all managers are suitably trained in S.H.I.T. before they are promoted. That way they won’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore as they will be full of S.H.I.T. already.

You can also create a new position in your company whereby those who are full of S.H.I.T. can train others in the same. Their names can then be added to a Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T). Then those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to a newly created position Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

And don’t forget to assign yourself a new title as Head of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)